


Say Hello Wave Goodbye

by LilyOD



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-09
Updated: 2014-05-09
Packaged: 2018-01-24 03:19:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1589753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyOD/pseuds/LilyOD
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam pays Zayn an impromptu visit on the eve of his wedding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say Hello Wave Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Take your hands off me  
> I don't belong to you, you see  
> Take a look at my face  
> For the last time  
> I never knew you, you never knew me  
> Say hello, goodbye

Every day, something will happen to Zayn that will make him stop and marvel. Most, he thought would never happen, and he still can’t believe that they have. Their first live performance, their first single, their first number one, their first sold out gig, their first film. The list goes on and every day Zayn experiences something and the shock that it has happened to him; a normal boy from Bradford, hits him anew. 

As he tosses and turns in the rigid, uncomfortable hotel sheets, Zayn is once again hit by the familiar sensation of something big happening to him that he never, ever thought would occur. Except this time it’s not in the usual butterflies-in-his-stomach-can’t-stop-grinning way. Right now his stomach is slowly churning and he has the bad butterflies, the ones that career around your chest, threatening to spill out of your mouth in the form of vomit. 

This is what all grooms feel like the night before their weddings, right? He thinks back to only a few hours ago, when his dad pulled him aside in the grand hall, where Perrie had him inspecting centre pieces; making sure that the rose to magnolia ratio was even. 

“How are you feeling son?” he dad had asked; his grin threatening to take over his whole face. His hand was clasping Zayn’s shoulder and Zayn thought back to his childhood, when that hand on his shoulder, the knowledge that his dad was right there had made him feel so safe and sure that everything was going to be okay. Of course, that magic feeling had faded the second he’d taken to that X-Factor stage in Leeds, when he realised that his parents can’t always be there to protect him. Now, the touch does little to comfort him and this makes Zayn feel guilty; as if he’s betrayed his father in some way. 

“Yeah,” he had tried to laugh casually of his father knew him better than that and had raised his eyebrows to show Zayn he wasn’t buying it. “Well, a bit nervous but that’s natural yeah? That bloody wedding planner says it’s natural anyway.” His dad laughs heartily and Zayn gets that warm feeling in his chest that he always gets when he does something to impress his dad or make him laugh.

“Son, let me tell you, on the morning of my wedding to your mum I almost didn’t turn up! I was so bloody nervous and I kept wondering if I’d made a mistake. I was young too, younger than you! But; when they finally got me up that bloody aisle, and I saw your mum walk in I knew that I had made the best decision of my life. I remember thinking to myself that she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Marriage isn’t easy, you know that, you have seen with your own eyes that there have been good times and bad times over the years, but every time I felt like giving up and walking away from it all I remember the way your mum looked at me as she was walking up that aisle and how it made me feel. That’s what keeps me going.”

Zayn had thanked his dad and made a joke and they had laughed together and that had made him feel better for a bit. But now, alone in his hotel room only 12 hours away from marrying Perrie, the words did little for him except rattle around his head. He had seen the love between his parents and he had experienced the love between himself and Perrie; he couldn’t expel the notion that they weren’t the same.

Of course; his father had proposed to his mother in a less than ideal situation, just like Zayn had with Perrie. His mother had been pregnant with his older sister and many had assumed that getting married was the next logical step. Zayn was not so sure that panic-proposing to your girlfriend a few days after it had dawned on you that you may or may not have feelings for your best friend would have gained as much consensus. To be honest though; he had never thought it would get this far. When he had proposed to Perrie it had been a rushed decision that he wasn’t even sure he was going to go through with until he pointed flippantly to the expensive diamond ring in the upmarket jewellers in Chelsea and decided that returning it was more hassle than it was worth. It was just a coincidence of timing really; Perrie had been staying at his because of the film premier. Had he been on tour or she had been performing elsewhere he probably wouldn’t have worked himself up into such a frenzy which accumulated with him pledging his life to her. He’d almost hoped that she would say no, but of course she’d been delighted, so had their respective families and suddenly instead of the long engagement he had thus hoped for they were hurtling towards the castle wedding with celebrity guests and a magazine deal so fast that sometimes it made Zayn laugh to think that it had all happened because he wanked over his best friend in the shower.

Except Zayn didn’t feel like laughing now. The wedding had been talked about so much that he had gotten used to tuning it out that he had honestly started to believe that it wasn’t real; it was a mysterious entity that would never take place. But here he was. Alone in the castle hotel room with his wedding suit hanging up ominously opposite him. It could be worse, he reasons. He does love Perrie, he’s probably in love with her. Maybe. He might be very happy being married to her for the rest of his life. He’ll just have to wait and see. He doesn’t regret it; this might be the best he ever gets. One day he might laugh at the fact that he thought he might possibly be in love with his best friend. He might be glad that he had this beautiful wedding to his beautiful wife and made his family happy and his dad proud and he might realise that Perrie is in fact the love of his life. These slightly homosexual feelings might just be a phase. Nope, this could definitely be worse. 

However, there is one part of this he regrets; and that was making Liam his best man. It had seemed the logical step; it stopped him having to choose between Ant and Danny, and Liam is his best friend in the band so why wouldn’t Zayn want him as his best man? Liam was (unknowingly) the reason for this whole extravaganza and now Zayn has dragged him further in by making him stand up there by his side while Zayn says the words to Perrie as he thinks about Liam. Plus Liam was probably the most reluctant best man ever, he was surly and cold whenever Zayn mentioned anything to do with the wedding, so much so that he’d stopped bothering him about it and had just gone about preparing things such as his stag do and the suits himself. Zayn wasn’t even sure if Liam had a speech prepared for tomorrow but he’d already lied to Perrie that he’d seen it and vetted it. Oh well.  
It was too late now anyway, what was done was done and in a few hours the whole thing will be over and Zayn can concentrate on picking himself up and moving on. He vows to get some sleep, lest he has to spend even more time in makeup tomorrow morning trying to hide the dark circles under his eyes. He pulls the dishevelled sheets up to his chin and squeezes his eyes shut, hoping that sleep with bless him. 

Sleep, it seems, has other ideas as no sooner had he arranged himself comfortably, there’s a soft tapping at the door. Zayn goes rigid, wondering if he imagined it, when it happens again; three soft knocks against the door, as if the person if almost hoping Zayn won’t hear. It can’t be anyone else’s door, Zayn is in the master suite of the castle hotel; there are no other rooms around here. 

He’s in two minds whether to answer; what if it’s a paparazzi that’s managed to sneak inside of the trying to get the winning shot of Zayn in his boxers? He’s wide awake now and decides the safest course of action is to shout out “Yeah?”

There’s a pause, and some shuffling outside the door and cautiously Zayn gets out of bed and makes his way to the door. He thinks he hears the word “shit” being mumbled but he’s not sure. Peeking out the peephole Zayn can’t see anything except the illuminated hallway but he’s now conscious of a heavy breathing happening outside the door coming from underneath his field of vision. He’s suddenly very aware that this is how a lot of horror films start and he may or may not be about to be murdered. Well, at least if he gets murdered he won’t have to deal with his problems, he reasons darkly. 

“Zayn?” it’s barely audible but Zayn could pick Liam’s voice up out of a crowd of a million people. Why the fuck if Liam outside his door at 2 in the morning and why can’t Zayn see him? 

He feels secretly pleased that Liam has decided to pay him an impromptu visit until he yanks open the door and Liam falls backwards into the room smelling distinctly like gin. He must have been sitting down leaning against the door if his dazed face and foetal position are anything to go by. Straight away Zayn can see he’s drunk and it pisses him off, Liam always seems to be drunk nowadays. 

“Liam, what the fuck are you doing?” he hisses, a little harsher than he had wanted to but he can’t help it; he’s so fucking angry at Liam right now. Why does he always appear at the wrong moments to remind Zayn of what an idiot he is?

Slowly, Liam turns himself around and clambers onto his hands and knees, then into the standing position and Zayn can see he’s not as drunk as he first thought he was, but he’s definitely on his way. 

Unexpectedly, Liam smirks at him and Zayn can feel himself grow more livid. He doesn’t like it when Liam acts like this, puts on this show of bravado and confidence that Zayn can’t relate with the kind, generous, caring boy that Liam usually is. This is how he acts around his friends, his new friends who he parties in central London with and snorts drugs in the toilet with (although only Zayn knows about that and he’d not spoken to Liam for a week because of it). 

“I’m your best man aren’t I? I’m here to give you some best man advice before your wedding day.” Liam saunters past Zayn and into his room. Zayn wishes he had the strength to stop him and tell him to leave but when it comes to Liam he’s a weak man.

“Liam you’re drunk, plus it’s the middle of the night, you woke me up!”

“No I didn’t,” Liam replies brazenly as he wonders around the room, inspecting various objects, “You have been awake for ages, I have been sat outside your room for a while.”

Zayn doesn’t know what to make of that comment so decides to ignore it. “Okay whatever, that doesn’t mean you can just barge in here.”

“Don’t you want to see me?” and just for a second an expression flashes across Liam’s face that reminds Zayn why he asked Perrie to marry him in the first place. Even when he’s putting on this macho show, he still craves Zayn’s approval. Zayn can feel the anger leaving him until Liam speaks again, “We won’t get to see much of each other after tomorrow, thought we could hang out one last time.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Zayn spits.

Liam shrugs and tosses the hotel pen he had been fiddling with down on the bed, “Nothing, I suppose we haven’t been spending much time together recently anyway, I’m surprised you even asked me to be your best man.”

The feeling of anger drains Zayn so fast he gets lightheaded. Guilt isn’t long to take its place though. Liam’s right, Zayn has avoided Liam even since he put that ring on Perrie’s finger; he reasoned that it would make it easier to deny his feelings for Liam if he was not constantly confronted by them. It hadn’t worked, for the record. He can’t exactly tell Liam that it hurts to look at him and enjoy his company and laugh with him because he knows that Liam will never be his. 

Zayn thinks about apologising but can’t bring himself too. Instead he deflects, “How much have you had to drink?” 

Liam shrugs again but not with as much confidence this time, “I don’t know, a bit, not a lot. I don’t keep track much anymore.”

This troubles Zayn, has that sadness always been in Liam’s eyes? He’s not sure, he’d spent so much time avoiding looking into Liam’s eyes recently; lest he give something away. “Are you alright mate?” Zayn ventures cautiously and he is sure that he has no idea what is going on or why Liam is here, tipsy in his room the night before his wedding but he knows that looking at Liam he doesn’t feel sick or scared or worried like he did just a few minutes before. 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” although he is now he is avoiding Zayn’s gaze. Zayn wants to ask him why he is lying but he doesn’t know if they have that kind of friendship anymore. Liam wonders over to the excessively large wardrobe (who stays in a hotel for that long?) and admires the suit hanging there. Zayn quite likes the suit actually, Perrie had let him have (almost) free reign when it came to his own suit and he’d had it made to fit him perfectly. He briefly wonders what Liam would look like in a wedding suit but then quickly banishes that thought. Liam tenderly picks up the left sleeve, thumbing the black material gently. 

“So this is really happening yeah? You’re really gonna do it?”

Zayn feels any assurance he had about this wedding crumble inside of him when Liam looks up at him and there are tears in his eyes. If Zayn were a stronger man he would go to Liam, wrap his arms around him and ask him what’s wrong, kiss his temple, tell him everything is going to be okay. But Zayn is not strong, so he stays rooted to the spot, across the room from Liam. He is disgusted in his own behaviour but he’s worried that if he starts to touch Liam he won’t be able to stop. 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t it?” He can hear his own voice wavering and he can’t bear to look at Liam anymore. He hears Liam sniff and sees out the corner of his eye as he wipes away any tears threatening to fall with the back of his hand. He drops the suit sleeve and wonders over to the big double doors that lead out on to the main attraction of this castle hotel; a huge balcony overlooking the castle’s mountainous grounds. He supposes that’s where he and Perrie will go tomorrow after the wedding. Have their first drinks as man and wife overlooking the beautiful lake, where they will have set of Chinese lanterns earlier in the evening. He exhales heavily, finally bringing himself to look at Liam, even though his back is to him. In a few hours it will be Perrie standing there, looking at the view, but right now it is Liam and Zayn needs to make the most of it while he can.

“I don’t know. It always felt so far away, I kind of thought it would never come. I always thought I would have time to-” Liam’s shoulders sag in defeat and this emboldens Zayn to be able to unfreeze himself from his standing place by the door and cautiously make him way over to Liam. He stops just behind him, raising a hand to place on his shoulder but then thinking better of it. Liam doesn’t seem to notice that Zayn is now almost just an inch away from his back, or if he does he does not acknowledge it. Zayn aches to take that step forward and flush himself against Liam, to rest his head on Liam’s shoulder and breathe into his neck. Right now he doesn’t know if he’s allowed to even touch Liam at all.

“Have time to what?” Zayn breaths carefully, trying not to startle Liam as he gazes out the window as if hypnotised. It takes Liam a moment to respond and Zayn’s unsure if he even heard him, until Liam sticks out his bottom lip like he always does when he’s thinking, “Nothing, it doesn’t matter now.” His voice is flat and void of emotion and this offends Zayn somewhat, he’s not even important enough to Liam to raise an emotion out of him anymore. He backs away from him in defeat, and perches on the end of the bed while Liam continues to stare out with dead eyes, any traces of the tears that were there a few moments ago gone completely. Zayn wishes so badly he were brave. 

He is unsure if he’s meant to say anything so he decides to take in Liam; wondering if this will be his last chance. Perrie has enforced a strict dress code for guests and sports gear and tank tops were strictly prohibited (Zayn had felt at the time that that rule was a bit of a slight at Liam but he hadn’t wanted to bring it up just in case it wasn’t and he was just making a big deal out if it) so Liam had been wearing a smart white shirt all day with suit pants (Zayn new this from the brief glances he’s seen of him, he hadn’t actually spoken to Liam all day, but it wasn’t unusual for them to go days on end without passing comment to each other now). However Perrie couldn’t really (although Zayn had a feeling that she would if she could) police what their guests wore to bed and it was technically bed time right now even if Liam was staring out the window in Zayn’s room and not asleep in his own room. He was wearing one of his stupid wifebeaters (Zayn loathed the name but no one seemed to know what he was on about when he called them vests) that Zayn hates but secretly loves on Liam and a pair light grey of tracksuit bottoms that were hanging precariously low on his hips. He must have been drinking alone in his room rather than at the hotel bar, they never would have let him in dressed like that. This thought makes Zayn unduly sad. The top exposes Liam’s broad muscular shoulders and Zayn can see that all those hours in the gym have really paid off for Liam. Liam started going to the gym and training like mad ever since Zayn announced his engagement. Well actually, that was a bit of a sore point. Zayn hadn’t actually announced his engagement; the papers had. They had seen the ring on Perrie’s ring finger and the rest was history. Zayn can still recall with clarity the betrayal in Liam’s eyes when he had asked Zayn why he hadn’t told him first? Why did he, his best friend, have to find out through the media? Zayn didn’t really have a good excuse except that saying the words out loud to Liam would have made them real and he wasn’t ready to do that. That’s where it had all started to go wrong Zayn guesses.  
Zayn longs to feel what it would be like to touch Liam’s back, not in the way that they all do after a show, a congratulatory pat on the back. No, he wants to know what it would be like to take off Liam’s shirt and place his palms on Liam, to feel the muscles moving beneath them as he breathes. To feel Liam’s heart racing and know it is for him.

“Do you believe in soulmates?” Liam’s quiet voice pierces the silence and pull’s Zayn from his fantasies.

“What?” He doesn’t mean to sound so blunt but he isn’t sure that he heard Liam right.

“Do you believe in soulmates?” Liam is still facing away from him and Zayn is glad for he can’t see the blush creep up his neck. Not that he thinks he and Liam are soulmates, no, soulmates makes it sound like a mutual thing and Zayn’s feelings are certainly not reciprocated.

“I uh, hmm, I don’t know. I don’t think so.” Zayn cringes at the fact that he is normally known as the articulate one and that’s the best he can come up with. “Why, do you?”  
Liam lets out a burst of air that sounds like a laugh but there’s no joy in it, “I used to. Not anymore.” Zayn scowls at the notion that someone could have hurt Liam so much that they broke his belief in true love and vows that he will never do anything to hurt Liam, even if that means keeping his feelings to himself. “So you don’t think that Perrie is your soulmate?” 

This question catches Zayn off guard and he’s not sure how to respond to it, no one has ever questioned his love for Perrie before. He makes a strangled sound and finally Liam turns around to face him. He’s so beautiful, even with his eyes two dark holes boring into him, and Zayn wonders how he never saw it before. He’s changed so much recently, but when he’s not acting surly and trying to impress people it’s possible to see the same boy Zayn met all those years ago at the X-Factor, shy, goofy, unsure and so, so sweet that it cracks Zayn’s heart to think of what pain Liam must have experienced to make him believe that he shouldn’t be that boy anymore. These events had been happening less and less frequently though and Zayn isn’t sure the last time he saw a genuine smile on Liam’s face.

Zayn doesn’t wish a lot, not even when he blows the candles out on his birthday cake, but right now he wishes that he could go back in time to those early days. Not so he could seduce him and change the course of their relationship, no, just so he could appreciate that young, innocent Liam more, and maybe try and protect him from whatever it was that turned him like this. 

“I don’t know, I guess not. But I think that she’s the closest I’m ever going to get, so why wouldn’t I settle for that?” Straight away Zayn realises how harsh that sounds and is thankful that Perrie was not around to hear that.

“So you’re settling? For the next best thing?” Something Zayn said seems to have piqued Liam’s interest as he begins to cross the short distance between them. He towers over Zayn who is still sitting on the bed and he has such an intense look on his face that if it were anyone else Zayn would be scared but he just can’t bring him to be scared of Liam, he knows that Liam would never hurt him.

“Uh, no, that’s not what I meant-“ Liam cuts him off by bending down so close that Zayn has to lean backwards to avoid collision. He can feel Liam’s breath on his face and he is horrified at himself to feel a twitch in his cock. He’s only wearing an old t-shirt and boxers, if it does anything more than twitch Liam will definitely know about it. 

“You should never settle Zayn, because you’re perfect and you deserve the best.” Liam’s eyes are raking over Zayn’s body hungrily and Zayn wonders if he should stop Liam and ask him what he’s playing at. 

That thought goes immediately out of the window when Liam presses his lips into Zayn with such vigour that Zayn is push completely backwards onto the bed and then before he can register, Liam is above him, straddling his body and prying Zayn’s mouth open with his tongue. His mouth tastes like gin and cigarettes and Zayn always wants to tell Liam off for smoking but knows that’s too hypocritical. 

Zayn tries to make a sound of protest but it changes somewhere in his mouth and becomes a moan. This just seems to spur Liam on and he bucks his hips into Zayn’s where his cock twitch has begun to develop into a full erection. Zayn can also feel, however, that he is not the only one and the feel of Liam’s growing length pressing into his hip makes him gasp for air. Liam seems undeterred by Zayn pulling his mouth away and starts to kiss hungrily down his jaw, nipping at it occasionally to the point of being painful.

“Liam what-“ 

“Shh, please Zayn. I need you to not speak. I need this. I need you to do this for me. Please.” Liam whispers against Zayn’s neck and it sends shivers down his spine in a way that he knows it shouldn’t. Zayn tries to think about what Liam might mean but now Liam has reached the collar of Zayn’s t-shirt and tugs at it impatiently. Liam leans back, pulling Zayn up with him until they’re eyelevel again, Liam still straddling his hips. Zayn wants to look into Liam’s eyes and try and guess what he’s thinking, stare at his pink, wet lips and then kiss them slowly. He wants to feel Liam’s face under his fingertips and he wants to take his time and do this properly but Liam has other ideas and he barely looks Zayn in the eye before he grabs the hem of his shirt and pulls it up over his head. He tosses Zayn’s t-shirt on the floor then pushes Zayn back down on the bed, but he stays sitting for a moment, “If you want me to stop, then say, and I’ll leave right now. But if not, then please don’t speak and just let me have this one night. That’s all I ask Zayn.” 

Zayn can’t help but feel that this is wrong, this whole situation is wrong. This isn’t how he imagined being with Liam would be like. Not this rough, silent affair. Except, he’s too scared that if he speaks up and asks Liam what he means or to slow down Liam will change his mind and leave and Zayn can’t bear the thought of that, not now precome is seeping through the material of Liam’s light grey joggers. So he nods enthusiastically and Liam’s lips are once again pressed to his. Zayn closes his eyes and tries to drink in the feeling as Liam moves lower with his mouth again, to Zayn’s jaw, then his neck, trailing his tongue up and down it once, before latching on at the base, just above his collarbone. Zayn has a passing thought maybe Liam giving him a lovebite the night before his wedding isn’t such a good idea but Zayn isn’t sure he could stop him if he tried. Liam sucks hard before pulling off with a loud pop. Zayn glances down and sees Liam’s lips are swollen and wet and he can’t help imagining what they would look like around his cock. 

During this break from his skin Zayn takes the opportunity to try and pull Liam’s shirt over his head, though he’s not very successful as he literally feels weak with anticipation and Liam has to do it himself. Zayn wants to pull Liam close and feel their naked torsos together but he doesn’t think Liam will let him so instead he settles for marvelling at his body, dragging his fingernails down Liam’s toned chest and past his forming six-pack to the waistband of his trousers. He glances back up to Liam’s face and unbelievably, he has a blush spread across his cheeks. 

“I’ve never been with a guy before,” Zayn murmurs shyly, ignoring Liam’s request for him not to speak. He’s not used to being the less cultured of the two.

Liam shrugs nonchalantly, “It’s not that much different to being with a girl, not if you try not to think about it too much.” Jealousy bubbles up inside of Zayn at the thought of another man touching Liam in this way, Zayn had no idea that Liam had experimented with guys before. 

“Here, I’ll show you,” Liam offers and he stands up briefly, clumsily pulling his own sweatpants off and kicking them aside, denying Zayn the pleasure of doing it himself. Liam is fully hard and Zayn had daydreamt about Liam’s dick many times, he had even seen it once or twice, innocently, back when they were younger and his feelings were completely platonic. He knew Liam was well endowed, but nothing had prepared him for seeing Liam naked, with an erection, caused by Zayn. Zayn blinks a few times, committing the sight to memory just before Liam climbs back on the bed and Zayn’s view is obstructed. His fingers work their way under Zayn’s slight hips easily, Zayn raises them in compliance, and Liam pulls his boxers down, causing Zayn’s own erection to spring out. He doesn’t know whether to be embarrassed or not but Liam doesn’t even give him the chance as he’s already palming the head of his cock, then working down to the base with a loose grip. Zayn wants more friction and he claws at the sheets in frustration as Liam isn’t meeting his eye again and he doesn’t want to speak again in case he annoys him. With his other hand, Liam circles a finger around Zayn’s opening and this is all happening so fast Zayn is not sure it’s really happening at all. Why is Liam diving head first into this as if Zayn might disappear if he slows down for even a second? Liam uses the hand that’s been on Zayn’s cock to coat two of the fingers on his other hand with Zayn’s own precome.

“Ready?” Liam asks and he takes Zayn’s panting as a reply, slowly, even gently, pushing his finger inside of Zayn. It burns and it feels unnatural but Zayn just tries to focus on the feeling of Liam pumping his dick sloppily. His other hand is still for a few moments, allowing Zayn to get used to the feeling of him being inside him. After a few moments, Liam begins to move his finger slowly, “Relax hon, it’ll make it easier.” Except Zayn tenses at the use of that word, he’s heard Liam say it to girls before, ones he wants to sleep with, and it makes him feel cheap. He grits his teeth and wills his muscle to slack, just in time as Liam surprises him with another finger. His hand automatically goes to Liam for comfort, even though he’s the one causing the discomfort, digging his fingernails into Liam’s shoulder. “Sorry,” mumbles Liam and quickly gives Zayn a sloppy kiss on the inside of his thigh, as if to pacify him; and it works. 

Zayn releases his grip on Liam’s shoulder but is forced to grab onto his hair almost immediately when he begins to scissor his fingers. Zayn’s back arches in pain and he can hear Liam murmuring against his inner thigh, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry just relax, you will get used to it, I’m so sorry Zayn.” Zayn’s mind is a mess, as his body tells him he wants it to stop but his mind wants it to go further, he wants to feel Liam’s full length inside of him. Zayn has never been very good at denying Liam.

Zayn doesn’t know if he can take it much more, until unexpectedly, Liam’s finger brushes over something inside of Zayn and pleasure jolts through him like lightning, starting in his abdomen and filling up every part of him. He involuntarily lets out a strangled moan and Liam glances up at him, “See?” Zayn nods, even though he’s still a little dazed, and he wants to tell Liam to do that again but all that comes out is an incoherent mumbling. 

“You’re ready,” is all that Liam says before he pulls his fingers out of Zayn so fast that he has to bite his lip to stop himself from crying out. Zayn has never seen this side of Liam and he’s not sure that he likes it, Liam is focused but almost emotionless in his actions and this isn’t how he imagined it at all. Nowhere in Zayn’s numerous fantasies did Liam line himself up with Zayn’s entrance, preparing to go in nearly totally dry. Zayn had imagined them slowly undressing each other, passionate kisses and loving words whispered to each other. But then again Zayn had never imagined that could ever come to pass so what he was experiencing with Liam right now was more than he ever expected, and he supposes he has to be fine with that. Once again, Zayn was settling. 

“Wait,” he manages to choke out, as he gestures somewhat to the bedside table, “Condoms, in the draw.” Zayn had discovered them earlier in the day when he’s been looking for a place to hide an empty cigarette packet, evidence of how nervous he was. He’d thought about the prospect of using them later on with Perrie, and he hadn’t been dreading the thought, he was indifferent to it really. Never in his wildest dreams did he imagine that Liam would be the first to use them, and with Zayn. 

Liam shrugs, as if he doesn’t care whether they use them or not and leans over to the draw, pulling it open with much more force than necessary. Zayn’s dick feels cold with Liam’s hand no longer on it but the sight on Liam ripping the condom open with his teeth and quickly, but expertly rolling it down his length sends a whole rush of blood to it anew. Liam lines himself up again and Zayn wants to kiss him but Liam doesn’t seem interested in doing that. Zayn baulks slightly at the prospect of Liam going in practically dry but Liam seems to sense this and spits into his palm, before rubbing it onto the head of his cock, a sight which gets a grunt of appreciation from Zayn. 

Again, Liam lines himself up and Zayn presses his head back into the pillow, staring up at the ceiling. One of his hands is holding Zayn’s hip down and the other is guiding his own cock, which he now presses against Zayn’s entrance. Liam is mumbling to himself and if Zayn didn’t know better he would have said it was a prayer. He eases the head in and Zayn tries not to show how much it hurts. He squeezes his eyes shut and thinks back to his favourite memory of Liam. It was nothing special, just when Zayn had flown in a plane for the first time. He had brushed it off as no big deal, but Liam had known how scared he truly was, he was excited too, but scared witless. Liam had made sure he was sitting next to Zayn and waited until twenty minutes into the flight, when the attention on Zayn had died down and he seemed calm enough. There, under the safety of a blanket, Liam had wordlessly taken Zayn’s hand into his own, and held it there for the entire flight, letting Zayn know that it was okay, Liam was there for him and he was going to keep him safe.  
And that’s what Zayn desperately wanted Liam to do now, to hold his hand and guide him through this, let him know that this is going to be fine, even though this is Zayn’s first time. Cause although Zayn is excited about this (it’s all he’s been able to dream about for the past 6 months), he’s also scared. He opens his eyes as Liam slides all the way in, but he seems more concentrated on his own cock and Zayn knows that he won’t hold his hand. Tears spring to Zayn’s eyes and he’s not sure if it’s from the pain of Liam inside of him or from the realisation that he and Liam have changed and that nothing will ever be the same after this. He doesn’t want to know. As Liam begins to slowly move his hips the point of no return passes and Zayn vows himself to enjoy it, after all, this is what he wanted right? 

Liam moves without any real rhythm for a short while, one hand still covering the black heart on Zayn’s hip, the other now propping himself up on the bed next to Zayn’s shoulder. Zayn throws his arm over his eyes, mainly to hide the tears forming in the corners of his eyes, but Liam takes this as a sign that he’s relaxed enough and begins to pick up his pace. Zayn feels sore inside but then Liam hits that spot inside of him again and Zayn tries to say something or grab a hold of something but he can’t because Liam hits it again and again and before Zayn can so much as open his eyes Liam is pounding into him. His voice gets lost in his throat so he claws at Liam’s back in appreciation. He forces himself to open his eyes as Liam grunts above him, knowing that he may never get to see this again. His body pulses every time Liam slams into him and he’s vaguely aware that this also causes him pain but he can’t seem to care. A pool of precome if forming on his stomach and he fumbles for his own cock, secretly hoping Liam will take the hint and jack him off himself. He doesn’t though and Zayn tries desperately to match Liam’s ferocious pace. He tries to catch Liam’s eye, to hold his gaze for just a few seconds so Zayn can try and deduce what they hell is going on in his mind right now but Liam is looking down at Zayn’s torso, or where their two bodies are joined together, anywhere except Zayn’s face. Zayn bites down on his lip to stop himself from letting out a sob because Liam is fucking him but he won’t even look at him and that’s too painful for Zayn to bear. Instead he stares at the ceiling past Liam’s head and tries to focus on the orgasm building up inside of him. Liam’s grunts are also getting heavier and Zayn arches his back to try and get a good angle for the final few thrusts. He twists his wrist motion and runs a thumb over the head of his cock. 

“Ah, fuck!” Liam sounds strangled as he moves his hand from the bed to Zayn’s shoulder, completely pinning him down. The simple extra contact from Liam is enough to tip Zayn over the edge and his body shudders as come spurts from his dick and onto Liam’s stomach. Zayn has never felt pleasure like it as all his muscles spasm with electricity. Liam continues to thrust until Zayn can see his eyes scrunch up and his jaw go slack. He feels Liam orgasm inside of him and then collapse on top on him, his head resting face-down in the pillow just next to Zayn’s. Zayn is on a high from his orgasm still pulsating through him and he thinks that if Liam were to kiss him now it would make everything okay. 

Liam continues to pant above him and Zayn wants to say something but he doesn’t know what, so instead he settles for slowly dragging his fingertips up and down his back. He is still inside of him and Zayn thinks that maybe he could get used to the pain if it meant feeling Liam inside himself and becoming one together. However the come is already beginning to dry on his stomach and it’s becoming uncomfortable, he tries to give Liam a little nudge to indicate that maybe they should get cleaned up but Liam springs back as if Zayn had stung him. He slides out of Zayn so quickly it makes his eyes water.

“Sorry, of course,” Liam jumps off the bed and turns his back to Zayn. His torso is covered in scratches and Zayn feels like he has sufficiently marked his property. Except Liam won’t look at him again and he even rolls off the condom and discards it on the floor next to Zayn’s boxers. 

“Liam..” he starts but he doesn’t really know what to say; stay? I love you? 

“I’m sorry Zayn,” Liam says flatly as he picks up his sweatpants and hurriedly puts them on again. There’s still a small, darker patch at the front which is all that reminds Zayn that only a few moments ago Liam wanted Zayn in his entirety, know he won’t look him in the eye. 

Zayn feels as if he’s being chocked, this isn’t supposed to be how it goes. Liam is not meant to run away. Tears freefall down Zayn’s face as Liam snatches up his wifebeater from the floor and pulls it over his head, but Liam wouldn’t know because he won’t even acknowledge Zayn. He tries to ask what it is that Liam is sorry for, but he feels frozen, naked on the bed with the final remnants of what just happened drying on his stomach. 

Liam begins to walk towards the door and Zayn knows that this is his final chance to try and stop him but he also knows that nothing will bring his Liam back to him. That boy is gone and the man walking out of that door is a stranger to Zayn, so he lets him go. Liam’s hand is on the doorknob when he speaks, “I hope you’re happy together Zayn, I really, really do.” It doesn’t sound malicious or fake, if anything Liam’s voice sounds thick with tears but Zayn can’t see because even now, at the end of it all, Liam can’t give him the decency to turn around and say it to his face. 

And then he was gone, and Zayn’s heart was broken on the eve of his wedding.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is my first M/M story so apologies if it's terrible. The sex scene is meant to be kind of shitty though, there isn't meant to be any romance in it.  
> As always, let me know what you think!


End file.
